Jizz In My Pants
This one is dedicated to all the Clubbing jerkoffs, who have very admirably pulled the species a little further down into the shithole!
The Secret
There was once a young Japanese farmer named Toku who lived in a village in the northern part of Hokkaido. He tended to his fields everyday with the rest of the villagers, which amounted to some 500 people. They were hardworking people who toiled bravely under the sun. It was a largely agrarian based community with immense emphasis on the cultivation of food for personal consumption and the subsequent sale of surpluses to a central market many miles away. They were a peace loving community which settled disputes and conflicts through peaceful resolution and mediation by senior members of the community.
They also had a shrine where they offered their prayers to a deity called Shinju; an all pervading spirit of nature which controlled the weather, gave life to the plants and allowed the animals to multiply. Their rituals and offerings seek to appease and placate Shinju while also invoking his aid when tragedy or calamities befall them.
A gargantuan mountain range stood overshadowing the village and within the chasms of one of the caves of the mountain lived an ascetic hermit, a hikikomori, whose presence has always been of welcome when he makes his visits into the village; laughing and entertaining the village folk with tales of mysticism and wonder. But as time passed, his visits began to decline and eventually he was never seen again.
One fateful Spring morning, a band of bandits came from the North and plundered the village; burning the houses, destroying crops and slaughtering the animals. The villagers ran in fear and confusion. Most of them could only weep as they saw everything that they had for themselves vanish, burn and perish before their very eyes. It was a sight they will never soon forget. It was a catastrophe.
The next morning, young Toku went up the mountain to see the hikikomori. He entered into his cave with a bowl of soup and some rice. The old man invited him in and bid him to have a seat. The man asked “What gives me the privilege of your presence in my abode, young man?”. Toku said, “We have been attacked by bandits, oh Wise one. We seek your guidance on a question that plagues us all. “. The old man’s face lit up and he then asks, “What is the question?”. Toku then says,
“Why is there Suffering?”.
The old man closed his eyes and goes into a deep state of meditation before responding, “The spirit of Shinju is testing you. He sees great weakness in all your hearts. You have not been living up to his ideals, you have not been taking care of your wives and your children. You have been too unfriendly to your neighbours and with those who are near to you. You have committed many sins and Shinju has to punish you so you will learn your lesson. Go back now and welcome those close to you, let your women wander freely, go to the East and clear the forests so that the animals and people from the Eastern region can come and feast upon your crops. All your crops are made possible by Shinju and it is for Shinju’s creations that it must go back to. Let all be full and none be hungry. You would be living up to Shinju’s message if you obey it.”
The man ran hastily back to his village and did as the old man commanded. The village readily accepted this new way of life. The village began to prosper yet again and the population grew. There were many families and larger farms with market squares and sundry shops. There was a variety of goods and services and well as a general increase in the standard of living. People were much more comfortable with their lives and there was a huge shrine erected in the middle of the city honoring Shinju. There were yearly celebrations for Shinju; commemorating his bountiful gifts to the people since the bandit attack and many would come bearing gifts; which would be divided to the poorer members of society as all must be full and none must be hungry.
The next Spring, 9 years after the bandit attack, a horde of bandits rode into the city from the East, this time with horses and deadly weapons. They maimed and injured people before raping or kidnapping many women. They pillaged, plundered and decimated all of the markets squares. They stole as much as they could and laid utter waste to the homes, buildings and structures around the city. They were merciless in their ways and had no regard for the people. They screamed, shouted and howled like a vociferous pack of hungry wolves. They executed the old and the infirm before setting everything they laid their sights on on fire. The city became a blazing inferno; a vision of inexplicable horror and terror – a living nightmare.
Very early in the morning, when the fires subsided, young Toku ran up the mountain to see the hikikomori. He entered into his cave with some cold tapioca and mashed rice. The old man invited him in and bid him to have a seat. The old man then said “I have not seen you for many years young man. You are no longer even young I should say…hahahah….what brings you here?”. Toku said, “Wise one, the dreaded has happened. We have been attacked viciously by the bandits. Please help us. We have a question that must be answered“. The old man squints his eyes, leans forward and then says, “Please ask me.” Toku then says,
“Why is there Evil?”.
The old man closes his eyes and goes into a trance like state before replying, “There will always be evil because Man is evil. Only Shinju is good. Do not worry about those who are evil for they will receive great anguish and torment when they die. Shinju will inflict upon them all the pain and agony they have given to you. Shinju will curse them and fill the lives of their children with much disease and pestilence. They will never be happy. You must now go back to the village and prove to Shinju that no matter what evil is put on you, that you will never become like that of the evildoers. You must have faith in Shinju and you must show that to him. You must rebuild your city and make it better than it ever was, proving to Shinju that evil can never taint your heart. You must go to the South of your village and dam the river so you can build a bridge over it. This will bring in much people from the South and your city will prosper. You must also teach everyone how to pray to Shinju when there is evil lurking. This will give them great comfort in their time of need. Finally, you must always make your city open, friendly and without any secrets so that all who come to your city will be impressed by your faith in Shinju.”
Toku ran as fast as he ever could and the very next day the works on the dam and the city began. People worked very quickly and in a mere 9 months, the city was as bustling as it used to be. There were smaller villages, bigger stacked abodes, merchant shops, butcheries, abattoirs, grocers, blacksmiths, magicians, musicians, artists, inns, carriage makers, shrines, temples and many more things. The dammed river was also used to provide irrigation to the crops and this multiplied produce many a times thus sustaining a far bigger population. There were foreigners from all parts of the region seeking comfort, refuge and trade in the city. There were a myriad of artisans which helped build much more homes, altars, market squares and roads which facilitated rickshaws and carts. There were a vast series of canals and pipes through the city which supplied clean running water to the people increasing health and life expectancy. There were even trading posts and carriage stations erected for people to travel back and forth between different villages and regions. There were also constructed medicinal halls where the sick would go to to see healers and herbalists who seek to cure them. Universities and schools were also built for the people to learn about nature, the region and culture. They finally set up a huge Gate at the entrance of the city as a sign of ‘Welcome’ to all who visited it. The people thanked Shinju. They prayed. They worshipped. They venerated. They were happy.
One fine morning, just as the sun was rising, a horde of bandits came from the South across the river. Another band came from the East and a third group came from the North. They moved all the way to the heart of the city while burning everything down, raping the women as they went along before stabbing them and disemboweling them. They slaughtered all men. They stole food and other resources. They killed the animals as sport, laid waste to excess crops and ruthlessly tortured children. People were hysterical. Families were forced to commit incest and bestiality. The medicinal halls became decapitating posts, where people would be made to stand in a line and be decapitated one at a time. Some were forced into forced labour and slavery and some made to dig huge holes where corpses would be buried into, some that were buried were still alive. The inns became rape camps and universities and schools became torture chambers where necrophilia and cannibalism was also a common practice. The city was on fire for 7 days, the people prayed valiantly for intervention but nothing happened. All around them were suffering, evil and death. The whole city reeked of death. The only sight they had was of death. The bandits seem to be free to go and come as they please, and to do whatever they please. After sucking off the village of all the life it had, they headed straight to the dam and destroyed it, and the whole city was flooded. The bandits then left. A few villagers escaped, Toku was one of them.
The very next dawn, Toku scurried to the hikikomori. He entered into his cave with some wintry bitter gourd soup. The old man embraced him and obliged him to take a seat. The old man then said “What is it you seek Toku?” Toku, in tears, said, “Oh Prophet, everything we ever had is lost. Our city is gone, all our possessions are no more. Our loved ones have all perished. My heart is broken. My life is over.“. The old man looking very surprised and sympathetic says, “What do you wish of me Toku?” Toku, sobbing, then says,
“Please….tell……..me………….why is there Death?”
The old man closes his eyes, sinks his head and begins to recite a holy mantra over and over again before taking a deep breath. He sat silently, seemingly dead, for 10 minutes as Toku waited patiently. He then spoke, “Because you are a fucking moron! Why the fuck do you come to me asking for fucking advice on how to run a fucking city? Do I look like the fucking mayor of Hokkaido to you? I’m a cave dwelling half baked shit smelling loser and you come to me for fucking advice on dealing with murderers, rapists and thugs? Fuck you! What the fuck do I look like to you, a fucking samurai? You don’t wanna see death? Sell your house. Trade your wife and kids away. And get the fuck outta this shithole. Say “Fuck It!” and give up right now because nobody gives a fuck about you if you’re a ‘Nobody’. That’s the reality of it! And now, it’s time for me to take a shit. So, get the fuck outta my cave!”
With that, Toku left. He eventually found himself a nice cave up in the mountain range some 200 kilometres away where he ate, shit and smoked whenever he liked. He eventually died at the ripe old age of 107 holding ever strongly to the wise words of the old man – Just say “Fuck It” and Give Up!
Fish
It’s interesting to think that a fish will live and die in its habitat without ever knowing of the world outside the ocean. It will never really comprehend Land or its Inhabitants. It’s Reality is the only one it will ever know. The fish could nonetheless find out the truth of it all by swimming out of its habitat…but it will die.
This poses an interesting dilemma:
Would you choose to live happily in ignorance?
Or
Would you risk your life and seek the truth?
Japanese & Indian
Japanese cuisine and Indian cuisine are complete opposites.
Indian cuisine is intricate with a lot of textures and colours. It is usually very liberal when it comes to spices and ingredients. It has no specific goal but merely serves as a bridge between hours of the day, providing the sustenance and vitality required. Indian cuisine is a celebration of diversity; it is a collage of life’s flavours. The food is also tremendously heavy and it has an engulfing aroma which can ignite feelings and even bring back memories.
Japanese cuisine on the other hand strives on simplicity and subtlety. It has to be prepared with meticulous detail and every step of the process has a rationale behind it. The food is usually extremely defined and has a specific purpose it has to fulfill. Japanese cuisine has to also accomplish artistic standards; it has to set a visual landscape – a small piece of beauty. It is very light and often has an almost empty taste before a single distinct flavour is introduced into the experience.
Both are a wonderful conflation of the Earth’s gifts and the passion within Man.
Only You!
Your conscious subjective experience of the world around you; what you hear, see, touch, smell and taste is the only real and true experience. All other beings i.e. humans, animals and plant life are illusions manufactured by your mind; to give itself a story to live in.
Have you ever considered such a proposition?
That maybe you are alone in this sphere of existence and that everything around you is merely a virtual reality; a metaphysical movie production in which you are the lead character and your mind is the director.
All are creations of your mind including your closest loved ones, your enemies and me.
Your country, your continent, your planet, your universe and the existence of it are all your mind’s imagination. Life is but a dream and you are the dreamer.
That would of course mean, my existence is unreal. I am a figment of your mind. I do not really exist except in your world i.e. your mind’s reality.
The only thing that really exists is you; your mind. Time and Space is ultimately a creation of your mind. Your mind is creating these present visions of reality for you.
Your feelings, emotions, temptations and desires are solely yours and no one else around you can ever understand who you are, how you perceive the world or how you feel. The only thing real is you. Others do not matter for they truly do not really exist.
All the above can never be qualitatively communicated to anyone else e.g. you can never explain to anyone else how the colour ‘Red’ looks like. They remain in your mind. Only you experience them. This is your story and no one else’s. This is your journey.
You are therefore reading this not because I wrote it but because your mind meant for me to write it, so that you could read it.
The Houses of the Sun
If Japan is called House of the Rising Sun, why isn’t Hawaii called House of the Setting Sun?
The Pulse of the Nation
Isn’t it strange that the people with an IQ below the national average are made to join the police force or the army; the very people who are responsible for law and order and the people with all the weapons?
Isn’t it odd that the people who give us the most amount of unsubstantiated claims; the priests, rabbis and imams, are the people who get paid the most amount of money without having to work, declare their funds or pay taxes?
Isn’t it weird that a person merely has to make promises and assurances, regardless of whether he intends to fulfill them or not, in order for us to grant him authority over our lives, posterity and future; for him to be our politician or leader?
It is very funny indeed…..
Right Now
To think that right now at this very moment, in the world somewhere, there is a woman being forced into prostitution, a man being tortured and a child on the brink of death owing to starvation – And You are sitting in your chair reading this post….
…Fuck You!
Don’t mess with Mummy!
This week has certainly been Mother Nature’s week, hasn’t it?
And I’m real glad to be part of the celebrations as well.
I live in a part of the world where we’re immune to most natural disasters. We don’t have no tornadoes. No hurricanes, cyclones or typhoons. No earthquakes and neither do we have any Tsunamis (at least none of the serious kinds). Almost never do we have droughts or even dangerous forest fires. The most we have are floods and the occasional landslides. The former isn’t really fun because you can see it building up so the loss of human life is rather low. And the latter usually just happens in one single area so the death toll is quite minimal.
But yesterday as I sat by my desk, I noticed something truly spectacular; the building I was in seemed to be swaying back and forth. It seemed to be rocking, so I stopped typing just to assess what the fuck was going on and indeed it really was fucking moving. I was utterly puzzled, a tad bit disoriented and dare I even say a little troubled and afraid as I began asking myself – is this an earthquake? Adrenaline was beginning to pump in and my body was being filled with this quickening rush which was both exhilarating and euphoric.
I ran in utter excitement and asked around if anyone ‘felt that’? Nobody did, so I thought perhaps it was nothing, till two online messages had popped up on my monitor screen, two friends from two different parts of the city; one was “Is your building moving?” and another was “omg, the building is moving, we are having an earthquake.”
I googled it up and immediately I found out that a 7.9 Richter scale earthquake had been reported off the western coast of Sumatra.
I had experienced the first earthquake tremors in my life and boy was it one the most satisfying 12 seconds of my life.
It was one of the pinnacle experiences in my life because I felt utterly powerless and feeble. It was sheer beauty, it was confusing and yet it was bliss. To not be in control of your environment is a gift everyone should cherish. I can’t say that I didn’t feel a little sad when it didn’t get worse. When it was over, I honestly hoped that it would happen again; I was hoping for it to be a lot more serious, maybe a building or two going down, perhaps even a few hundred people perishing but sigh…nothing of that sort happened. Some buildings were even evacuated for fear that its dwellers might get injured. Some of my friends even scurried off back home as soon as they could. Goddamn pussies!
Human beings seek to become Gods. That has always been our ambition. To be omnipotent – All Powerful – can’t say we haven’t achieved it have we? We can lift gargantuan boulders, move buildings and even destroy an entire civilization. We aim to be omniscient – All Knowing – the internet is testament to this. Any information as long as it has been processed by the human mind can be found in this cyber gateway of infinite information. We also seek to be omnipresent – All Present – we want to be at all places at all times, well, what the fuck you think CCTV’s are all about?
We are arrogant. We think nothing can stop us. We, a mere twig, in the tree of Life, look down upon the tree and say “I own you!” and just about then Nature flicks Man’s balls and kicks him in the face putting him back where he belongs – in the fuckin dirt; telling him whose really in charge and why he should just shut the fuck up!
This week has been proof to that. Typhoon Kestana plundered China, raped Vietnam and left the Philippines bleeding from the asshole – 320 dead, hundreds missing and thousands are homeless. The Tsunami in Samoa showed the Samoans what a violent facefuck feels like – 150 dead and counting, many more are missing and a city that looks like someone’s beer puke. And the Earthquake off Sumatra reignited Indonesia’s annual passion for anal fisting at plate tectonics proportions – 750 dead and counting, thousands are homeless and many without their families. This is Nature. It does not give a fuck and it will never stop. It is relentless. And I absolutely love it. The more dead people there are, the better.
Of course people always tell me – “It’s easy for you to say that, wait till you lose a loved one in a disaster.” – Sure, I’ll be sad if I do lose a loved one, but the moment I see some other dead motherfucker floating around, I’m going to be fucking happy again. Do we actually expect to live forever? Do we actually think that Nature somehow gives a flying fuck about our so called ‘right to life’? Do we really think that just because we put some doofus on the moon that somehow we have achieved Godhood and now own Nature? Fuck that!
Take a slice of bread and leave it out in the open for 3-4 days. You see mold beginning to grow on it. The mold begins to replicate itself and increase rather exponentially over the surface of the bread before covering it up completely and changing the very appearance of the bread. The bread begins to decompose as the mold feeds on the bread. The mold eventually releases its spores into the air. By chance, one of it will land on another slice of bread and the cycle will begin all over again.
Take planet Earth and leave it out in the open for 3-4 billion years. You see humans beginning to grow on it. The humans begin replicating themselves and increase rather exponentially over the surface of the Earth before covering it up completely and changing the very appearance of the Earth. The Earth begins to get polluted as the humans feed off the Earth. The humans eventually release themselves into space. By chance, one of it will find a new Earth to colonize and the cycle begins all over again.
Sure, we may choose to look at ourselves and see ourselves as ‘Individuals’ but if you get down to the bottom of it all and view us within the sheer expanse that is the Universe, are we, the God that is Man, any different from the bacteria that surround us all? We kill our germs to not get sick. The Earth kills us so it doesn’t get sick. Where else are you going to find a fairer fucking deal?
So the next time, you feel a 9.8 Richter scale earthquake, see a 28 foot tsunami 200 metres away or have winds blowing at an excess of 300km/h – be thankful – because Mummy Nature is reaching out to you and saying: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
Anger
Anger is one of the greatest gifts Man has within him.
It is truthful. It is sacred. It is powerful.
To be angry is to have a voice. To be angry is to speak. To be angry is to be human.
It is the duty of every person who breathes to be angry; to be filled with uncontrollable fury and to dissent against the norms and values of his Society whenever and wherever he can. To represent only one individual – himself – and to hold in contempt anything that attempts to defile his thoughts, opinions and judgment.
It is the responsibility of all whose heart beats; to channel their anger and be a thorn in the spine of Society.
Culture is wicked. Culture is Society’s iniquity. Culture is community driven misinformation. It is a disease; spreading itself through reproduction. It will never stop until it has consumed every mind and rendered Man into alienated stupor; incapable of reason, common sense and logic.
Culture is a creation; it is a Slave that will enslave its creators, its Master with the fear of death, humiliation and rejection before robbing from its Master all his conscience and leaving him in spiritual destitution and mental penury.
It must be the aim of all who think; to argue, question and challenge all authority; political, religious and socio-cultural. Never yield. Be angry at your priests, detest your imams, despise your prophets, loathe their following, abhor your politicians and never trust your family; all seek to systematically deceive you.
All have plotted to make you a Slave. All want you as a Follower. All strive to make Anger a deadly sin.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
If someone claims his religion is correct – Tell him to FUCK OFF!
If someone claims he has the solution to your problems – Tell him to FUCK OFF!
If someone claims he knows all there is to know – Tell him to FUCK OFF!
If someone claims he knows what’s best for you – Tell him to FUCK OFF!
If someone tells you to vote for him – Tell him to FUCK OFF!
If someone claims his Prophet is the one and only – Tell him to FUCK OFF!
If someone claims there is no other God but his – Tell him to FUCK OFF!
If someone claims you must respect his beliefs – Tell him to FUCK OFF!
If someone claims he is offended – Tell him to FUCK OFF!
If someone claims to know you – Tell him to go FUCK HIMSELF!
Blowjob
I always thought the phrase “Blowjob” sounded negative and subordinating. It sounds like you’re being forced to do something. It gives out the impression that it’s something extremely difficult to do or is hazardous. There is also no ‘blowing’ of any sort involved and neither is it something you get paid for, thus not in actuality a ‘job’.
I think we need a more delicate phrase. A euphemism of sort. A phrase that sounds positive and much more inviting. A phrase that feels like there is a sense of care and compassion involved. A phrase that conveys modesty and beauty.
To solve this lingual predicament, I hereby coin “Lip Service” as the new “Blowjob”.
Dictionary: lip ser·vice (lĭp-sûr‘vĭs)
n.
1. the insertion of the penis into the mouth
2. a sexual act short of penile vaginal penetration
3. Also. an expression of agreement that is not supported by real conviction
Usage: “David darling, you just play with your toys here alright? Grandma is going to go and give Grandpa a Lip Service.”
Oxymoron
Corporate Responsibility
I have always believed that as long as you’re alive, you’re guilty for vicariously fucking someone’s life up somewhere on this planet. And if you work for a corporate machine, you have absolved all responsibility, obligation and duty to give any fuck about the planet, its people and the human spirit. Corporations DO NOT give a fuck!
Freedom Fighter
Why the fuck bother fighting if you’re free? Go out and have an interracial gang bang with all the other free people!
Holy War
What the fuck is this?! A fucking joke? They say War is holy but Masturbation is unholy? What the fuck is wrong with these religious cock lovers? Next thing they’ll tell you is that God made Women to serve Men and that Men have a divine right to beat and chastise Women…then again…maybe that’s already there in the Holy Books…
Universally Accepted
You see this often in these pretentious Human Rights Treaties, Conventions and Protocols. If something is Universal, why does it need to be accepted? If something is Universal, why does it need to be announced that it is Universal so that it must be accepted? Shouldn’t we already be born with the knowledge to know that it is Universal and thus already accepted? Shouldn’t it be inculcated within our being and that non-acceptance would simply be impossible? This to me sounds like a big load of bollocks some Holocaust survivor cooked up out of self interest.
Win-Win Solution
There is no such thing as Win-Win solution. Both parties winning can never be a Solution. Life is a zero sum game. Your loss is someone else’s win. If you think, after a deal, you have just achieved a win-win solution – you have very obviously just been shafted. You have not achieved the Solution, my friend, you have just been deceived and cheated. You, my friend, are the loser in a Lose-Win Solution.
Click! Culture
Why are we fatally attracted to photographing ourselves?
I can’t quite put my finger on this ridiculous activity which people relate to as being a “past time” or a “hobby”. I do not see an issue if you were a professional photographer who takes pictures and sells them for a living. That to me is an art. Because you sure as fuck will be compelled to take breathtaking pictures which convey an exquisite moment in time. But to mindlessly bring a camera along with you everywhere you go just to document people’s remorseful existence and yours as well is another thing all together. It to me is an extremely sad and depressing thing to do.
Do we really lead such forgetful lives that we have to remind ourselves how we look like?
Walk around town and you see these completely ridiculous looking youths; dark framed spectacles, with neon or tartan tees and a thin cut jeans listening to some pathetic music which they label as ‘Indie’, walking around with their most recent unwisely spent materialistic opiate called a digital camera; failing to realize that by their cameras being ‘digital’, it has completely robbed the authenticity of all their pictures as well as absolved them from 90% of the talent and foresight required to take a good picturesque shot. You see these motherfuckers taking hundreds and hundreds of shots of their god as fuck ugly friends.
It’s always the same asshole in the shots as well and no matter the lighting or the location, it’s always the same retarded pose which bears a striking resemblance to my Granma’s dog’s syphilis infected penis.
Or if it’s not their friends, then it’s the food they eat, which in all honesty, who the fuck gives a fuck how it looks like? It’s gonna be in the shitter anyway in 4 hours time. In fact, if you’re going to take pictures of the food before consumption, you better take a shot of it after consumption. It’s only fair. Besides, if you say its art before digestion, then it has to be art after digestion as well. To say SHIT is not artistic is to insult the output that comes out of the human body and therefore the essence of humanity. So don’t be a pretentious dipshit! Take a picture of your toilet bowl after you’re done taking a shit and put it out for the world to see.
Do we lead such a bankrupt life that we have to look at ourselves to affirm our existence?
Don’t people just stand and appreciate a beautiful moment anymore? Whatever happened to remembering things? Recollecting thoughts? Dreaming of a stunning sight you once experienced?
A piece of music is a fine example of what art is. Every note, every accent and every sound is an expression of a composer’s deepest emotional resonance. To play a piece of music that is, suppose, 12 minutes in length, is to reenact the composer’s state of being during the moment the melody transpired through him. Every note must be played according to how it has been designated. No one note is more special than another, no ending is more important than the beginning, no crescendo is more important than a decrescendo – all is required in full wholesomeness to recapitulate another human being’s moment of intense introspection. The whole piece is a reflection of the composer’s experience while being alive.
A photograph of your friends or the food you shove down your stinking gut will never accomplish that. It in fact serves to distill human relationships and emotions and reduce it to a mere spot in a recycled album, a meager fleeting kilobyte, a worthless collage of colours void of any artistic merit or interpretation, in short – GARBAGE.
What is most disappointing is if it ends up on any of these social networking shithole sites, which only serve to ridicule a person’s existence; her precious moment, her then present experience is frozen into an impersonal still facade for the uninformed viewing of a vanity obsessed reality deprived public. It by no means encapsulates the happiness, sadness, playfulness or gloom that a person may be afflicted with at the moment the picture was taken. It is but another screenshot in cyberspace, preceding some loser clicking on word “Next” to view the next permutation of pixels.
And the Public, this is another buncha shits. Why on earth do people waste their precious time looking at the pictures of others? Must the public continue to waste their pointless lives browsing through hundreds and hundreds of low grade disdainful pictures just to fill their empty lives with the life and times of another fucking loser? Don’t you have other better things to do? Masturbate? Simulate a rape with your boyfriend? Piss on your neighbour’s pet poodle? Or at the very least, read a book? This does indeed reaffirm the point that the human species is nothing more than S.H.I.T.
Do we really have nothing else better to do in life than to analyse our own lackluster appearances?
I wanna take a shit on these shitty cam whores who can’t stop taking pictures of themselves. They do it in cars, bus stops, clubs, rest stops, petrol stations, restaurants, cinemas, bars, parties, hotels, cafes, classrooms, workplaces, parks, social events and even during fuckin funerals. Do these whores ACTUALLY view these pictures again later?! Jesus fuckin Christ, what great fucking self obsessed dismal lives these people lead!
Taking 200 pictures of yourself in 9 minutes is not going to make you look any less uglier than you already are. You are still going to be the same spastic looking circus freak that you always have been, only difference being, you’d be a whole lot more stupider after the 9 minutes which you could’ve spent learning an alphabet or two.
What are these people so unconfident about? That people might think they look like dog shit? Well, even if people did think so, they aren’t gonna tell you aren’t they? In fact, they’re just going to be laughing behind your back about the sickly noxious and nauseating mugshot of yours which you call “my beautiful side”. The least you could do is save yourself the embarrassment and humiliation of that genetic malformation which you call your ‘face’.
The whole idea of taking your pictures and that of others and posting it up on the net puzzles me tremendously; must we really go on to parade our pictures to people who already know how we look like? If you look like a baboon’s cunt, then you look like a baboon’s cunt. No amount of your pictures is ever going to change my outlook on you. The least you could do is at least jam a cucumber up your asshole and take a picture of that, perhaps then I might say, “Hey this looks like (insert your name here)!”.
But think of the time, effort and energy it must’ve taken you just to appeal to your own unforgiving standards of yourself? At which point do you just breakdown and accept the miserable and paltry life you lead? How your banal and inconsequential existence is as important as your anal discharge? I think the more you deny yourself the truth of the matter, the more misery and burden you impose upon your sorry existence. You will never be happy with yourself….ever!
Must we constantly remind ourselves of the past?
People who take pictures because they like to remind themselves of the past are leading a horribly murky and unenlightening life. Why live in the past? The past is absolutely irrelevant and unimportant. Thinking about the past only makes you doubt yourself.
If you run away from the joys of experiencing the present moment then you live in fear.You live in denial. You are thoroughly insecure about the life you currently lead. You are of no value to yourself. You are worse than a pile of chicken diarrhea.
Why the fuck bother reminding yourself of the people who brand themselves as your so called friends? Why lead a decrepit life of going back to ALL those pictures you took? All just to counsel yourself that someone out there supposedly cares for you simply because they were in the same picture with you? Why are you bullshitting yourself? Fuck you!
You are alone, singular and unaided in this life. Nobody gives a fuck about you or your problems. Nobody appreciates you. And nobody cares about your sorry wasted little insignificant life. In fact, truth be told, secretly, most people might even want you to be dead or at the very least contract AIDS.
If you were hanging by a cliff, 10/10 people would not help you if your survival would result in their demise– that’s the reality of it. Nobody is willing to sacrifice their perfectly healthy bodies to save a skimpy shit like you. Accept that as a Universal Truth and move on you meandering fuck!
What possible delight could you even derive from seeing someone else’s face when you could just as well speak to them on the telephone? What good would it make to remember some dead mofo or your significant other who has left you? I was always under the impression that these people must be forgotten. What the fuck are you doing storing pictures of other people and staring at them while recollecting those dilapidated times you spent with them which they themselves have long since forgotten or have tried to forget? What kinda retardation do you really suffer from?
Move on with your life and learn to appreciate every moment you spend today; every thought, every word, every action of yours is akin to every note, every accent and every sound of a piece of music, it is your deepest emotional resonance. Your own life is indeed a symphony; your very own magnum opus!
It’s just too bad that your stupidity is hindering you from dumping your camera into a shit bin and realising it!
Loving
The very idea of having a ‘girlfriend’,‘boyfriend’, ‘fiancé‘, ‘fiancée’, ‘husband’ or ‘wife’ goes against Love. When in Love, there are no relationships, there are no attachments and there are no expectations. One is not suppose to play a character or a role when one is in Love. One merely has to be.
One has to live in utter vulnerability; to give oneself up completely to the other without imposing his views while the other will reciprocate. Both do not Love each other because of their position, security or hopes but both Love each other because of the Oneness that both experience.
When there is no longer Love, even for one person, both must depart. To not depart would be a great deceit to ones own self.
This is a difficult truth to cultivate for all those who consider Love as merely a preliminary “feeling” to Marriage and Children. It would be a fallacy to do so for it would make you feel inadequate, shackled and voiceless with every break up, separation or divorce.
There is no pattern to follow. There are no guidelines. There is no direction. Everything is subject to change. Nothing is fixed. That is what Love entails.
Table for Two
Men kiss ass, get a promotion, become managers, have a car and are then respected by Women.
Women suck dick, get a ring, become wives, have a child and are then respected by Men.
Terrorism is good for You!
Terrorism is a fascinating activity. It is fascinating because it is a truly extreme form of human behavior and most people seem to be against it. But I don’t think we should be too quick to judge terrorism and label it as something bad or evil.
So let’s have a look at terrorism and see how much of it is really…
…Entertainment
The news would be fucking boring if all you got were financial bullshit. Do you really give a fuck about the Wall Street Journal? Do you really give a shit about Dow Jones? Do you really care if the economy collapses tomorrow and mass rioting starts? I don’t, in fact I say, “BRING IT ON!”.
I wanna watch some good fun television. I wanna see a plane get hijacked by some illiterate South American guerrillas before smashing it into the Eiffel tower on Valentines Day, a high rise tower in Kuala Lumpur being bombed by geriatric Jewish fundamentalists, a bus with wheel chair bound Muslim children being blown up in Mississippi, a Swiss embassy in Korea being burnt to the ground by drunk pro-life protestors, Sarin gas being released in a subway station in London during rush hour while God Bless the Queen in Japanese plays in the background, a chemical bomb going off in Moscow followed by American flags dropping from the sky, a nuclear detonation in the UN headquarters during their Human Rights meet, a biological suitcase bomb exploding in Berlin on Hitler’s birthday with Wagner being played on all radio stations.
Why you may ask that I wanna see all of this? Because it is fucking entertainment! It gives you a big boost of adrenaline watching people running in confusion, covered in piss, blood and shit (either their own or that of others). And it shows you how one single individual or a few can cause so much of chaos, pandemonium and mayhem. It is profound, exhilarating and plain fuckin fun all at the same time.
The human mind is attracted to violence. We like it. It is satisfying. It is thirst-quenching. Violence is part of the human story. The reason you are sitting there in your chair reading this is because at some point in time in history, some person decided to kill someone else to give you the “freedom” to sit in your chair and read this.
It shows you that at some point in the past, some leader of a band of ‘apostles’ was publicly tortured, murdered and his corpse mutilated so that the public can go home with a clear conscience knowing that justice has been served and they can procreate freely without fear and your family lineage can come into existence.
What about ancient Roman Gladiator battles where the public would come in droves and see people get mauled, bitten and killed by animals and by each other all in the name of entertainment? This came from a nation who popularized ‘Separation of Power’, ‘Regular Elections’ and ‘the Republic model’, surely this must be a good idea!
The news networks themselves seem to know this, which is why they have to have repeats of all the latest terror attacks and suicide bombings; to sensationalise an issue, boost ratings and obtain profits. Violence sells and people are buying.
But of course to play safe, they never seem to get too graphic because of calls from politicians that it might psychologically affect children. These politician assholes somehow believe that children ought to be bullshitted and not be made known of the fact that politicians are commissioning the end of an entire civilization in an area of the world inhabited by brown people.
Politicians love to keep the population safe and ignorant. This is not good. Who are these over paid, over indulged and over fed politician assholes to tell the population what’s good for them and to deprieve them of fun, excitement and entertainment? Fuck em!
Man loves violence. It is self affirming; it affirms to us who is really boss on Earth, who wields the power and who makes the decisions. We might as well take violence and make it entertaining. Why live in denial? Why deny ourselves the pleasures of seeing blood? Why deny to ourselves who we really are?
Besides, terrorism…
…Makes life worthwhile
How many of you guys just jacked off before reading this? How many more will be jacking off after reading this? Bottom line, most people on this planet are leading a sorry and mundane life; where they wake up from bed, spend a few minutes wondering how shitty a day they’re going to have, get into the shower, masturbate momentarily, put their clothes on, get into their car, turn on the radio, listen to moronic DJs who laugh at their own jokes and play absolutely shit tunes, get off the car, take a long walk to your smaller-than-a-toilet-seat office space, impersonally get through your work all the while cursing your sorry and pathetic existence, have some over-processed over-priced highly unhealthy food as lunch, continue working while progressively looking at the clock more often, leave from work, maybe get a drink, hope to get laid but don’t, get back to bed and go to sleep. Wake up the next morning and repeat!
Don’t you just hope for something exciting to happen? A car in your basement blowing up? Your office building catching on fire, the fire trucks arrive and all of a sudden blowup killing all the firemen and your moron colleagues? Your neighbor being assassinated while he was having sex with his dog? The Prime Minister waking up to find his dick being connected to a loose pin of a grenade, risking a possible explosion upon de-erection of his ‘morning wood’? A military tank smashing into a nearby mosque during prayers or a church during mass?
Right about now, most of you are thinking – “Oh no way, that is just so cruel and sick!” – Bullshit!
You know you want it. You know there’s a part of you that just wants to see how the scene will look like. How the mess and the carnage will unfold? How much bodies there will be? How much ancillary damage there will be i.e. socio-cultural life, the economy, national policy, etc. Doesn’t that tickle your curiosity? Doesn’t it make you wonder how you will look at your own life?
Terrorism will give your life meaning. Terrorism will make you love your life a little bit more each time you escape a deadly attack. Terrorism makes your life worth living! You learn to cherish your life. You learn to give yourself what you deserve, what you really want; your expectations, your dreams and your desires.
In a terrorist laden world, full of danger and unpredictability, everything you do now will be filled with that much more effort, that much more emphasis, more attention, more focus, more appreciation and more love. You wanna make sure you savour everything because you could die at any moment owing to some terrorist attack. You wanna breathe every single breath with full awareness of it. Every chocolate bar will taste that much more delicious. Every ride at a local park will seem that much more thrilling. Every conversation with a friend will feel that much more significant.
You won’t lead a hollow life sitting like a dejected drone in some cubicle wasting your life away on accounts, bills, drafts, files and folders – fuck that! Why must you continue to be bothered with someone else’s shit? Let them fuckin do it themselves!
You will take risks, renounce your citizenship, leave the country, visit those places you always wanted to visit, say “fuck off” to your wife, child and parents, bungee jump, sky dive, do heroine, cocaine, weed and LSD all at the same time while your dick is being sucked by an 18 year old Eastern European Astrophysics student, break in into your first grade teachers home and masturbate on her face while she took a nap, use a religious book as toilet tissue while taking a dump by the side of a road in Shanghai during a strike by a group of disgruntled lion dancers; in short, lead a worthwhile and memorable life!
You have absolutely nothing to lose besides life. So why waste it? You better lead it to the fullest because at any given moment something could go off and your brains could be blown off! The imminent, clear and present danger of a terrorist attack is enough to make anyone reconsider their lives and inject some ingenuity and wholesomeness into it. This is why terrorism is a good thing. It makes you take your life seriously and fuckin do something with it!
But never forgetting, as we have too many fuckers walking around who really have no reason to be here, terrorism is also important as it is a mechanism for…
…Population Control
Year after year, the percentage of those succumbing to poverty and starvation seems to only get bigger. And why the fuck should we care, we’re not part of the fuckin percentage are we? Fuck it! Do you give a fuck? I certainly don’t give a fuck! And if you do give a fuck, I’m demanding that you don’t give a fuck. It’s pointless. Why the fuck do you even bother to give a fuck?
Let’s be clear here. The world operates in a very simple fashion: If you’re rich, then you’re going to have all the checks and balances working for you. The Government (which consist of your peers) will guarantee you lenient laws, widespread marketing and business opportunities, a nice tax rate, superb banking facilities, access to justice, positions in colleges and universities, good town and country planning, incentives for investments and a steady supply of high income jobs. In short, you live in a beautiful SOCIALIST economy where you are taken care off.
But if you’re poor, hell, then it’s all CAPITALISM for you isn’t it? It’s a free fuckin market bitch. Every man for his dick.
So, the system dictates that, if you’re born poor, then you ought to just blame your parents. They should’ve exercised some personal responsibility, looked for work opportunities, sucked a few more dicks, gone to school, gotten themselves educated but NO, they chose to be a lazy, weak and an inferior band of beasts (I will not call them Men) excessively reliant on Government handouts, beneficence and charity, who breed like rabbits and have no civility or moral character.
And who the fuck exactly are we kidding when we institute a “War on Poverty”? Isn’t it WAR that is causing POVERTY?! Which fuck came up with this “War on Poverty” shit? In short, we don’t really care about poverty because we all know it’s an unsolvable issue. Too many people have too much money they don’t wanna give up. And that is only fair though, because you reap what you sow! If you work hard, spend much time and effort then you deserve your money. Why should you give a fuck about some poor homeless asshole in the street or some abandoned child somewhere? They have no bearing on your life whatsoever. They don’t deserve to be alive because they can and will never contribute to your life – so fuck em!
Let’s also not bullshit ourselves with caring about the disabled, the terminally ill and the sick either. Politicians are famous for their hypocritical front page donations and magazine worthy philanthropy in order to gain voters and public confidence; so much for sincerity and humility!
For all these terminally ill and cancer assholes, I firmly believe: if you can’t wipe your own ass and/or feed yourself, then you have no place being alive on Earth. There is no need for you to experience humanness if you don’t have a life with quality. Drink some fuckin cyanide and get the fuck off this planet! Who the fuck you think you are breathing other people’s air and wasting our precious fucking resources? Fuck you! Die with some dignity at least, exercise your right to end your life; that is what self determination and personal autonomy entails. Have some decency not to bother others and most importantly, some self respect.
So fuck these vulnerable uninformed poor and sick fucks. The more detonations, explosions and blasts we have, the more we reduce these poor fucks and never have to think or deal with their shitty problems. It gives everyone else a little less of a headache and it allows us all to lead our decent lives without having to worry about mindless “problems” like ‘poverty’, ‘starvation’ and ‘homelessness’.
And notice how these terrorist attacks always take place where the poor are affected the most; the Mumbai attacks, the myriad of car bombs that go off in Pakistan, Afghanistan and Iraq, the motorcycle bombs in Thailand, the ferry bombs in Philippines, the pub bombings in Indonesia, etc. So we should instead be praising these terrorists and their actions instead of arresting or detaining them. These people mean well; they are removing the unwanted assholes that plague human society, they are helping us clean society’s shit stains, they are helping us make the world a better place. Michael Jackson would be proud of these guys! Kudos to them!
Furthermore, one can never deny that Terrorism is a form of…
…Expression
Just as literature, music, drama and artistic craftsmanship are all forms of human expression so is Terrorism.
When a guy decides to strap a bomb on and blow a convoy of US Marines at an Iraqi US Checkpoint, he is trying to make a point; he is stating his thoughts, he is voicing his opinion and he is expressing himself. Since when did expressing yourself ever become a crime? If someone has something to say or get out off themselves, they should express it whenever and wherever they like with whatever means possible.
Of course, people often resort to two arguments:
1. “You are killing innocent people.”
First of all, there is no such thing as ‘innocent people’. No one on this planet is innocent. As long as you’re born, you have taken part in the defiling of this planet. Because of your existence, someone else has had to suffer somewhere else in the world to keep you alive. Your needs have increased the amount of bullshit the people of this planet have had to deal with.
Your birth has caused one more tree to be felled. Your continuation has called for more resources to be plundered. Your actions on this planet would’ve caused the people around you to make moronic decisions which inevitably affect society and eventually the human race, most often for the worse.
You instigate the creation of a landfill and thus pollution. You create much tension, grief and torment to the people around you thus affecting them psychologically. Your inaction has in turn allowed crime, corruption and wars to go on. You are responsible for all the shit that is happening in the world today. You are guilty. You are a fucker! There are no ‘innocent people’. You are just as full of shit as the guy sitting next to you.
SO, now that we’ve established that no one is really innocent and that all is guilty – people can certainly be phased off to reduce the culpability of the species. So, terrorists are in reality, killing guilty individuals as a way of expressing their disaffection towards the way the world is playing itself out. I see no harm in that whatsoever. In fact, it is to be encouraged. I like to consider it as ‘constructive criticism’ or maybe ‘deconstructive criticism’ would make more sense.
Next argument would be:
2. “Murder simply cannot be condoned.”
Since when is it that murder cannot be condoned? What do you do when you’re hungry? You slit a chicken, to eat it. The very act of slitting a chicken’s throat is an expression; an expression of wanting to feed yourself. What do you do when a mosquito tries to bite you? You swat it; an expression of your dislike towards your blood being taken or the itchiness after the bite. When you go fishing, you hook a fish and remove it out of its habitat. That is an expression of your strength and power as a human.
Likewise, blowing something up and killing people is an expression. An expression of disapproval towards the lifestyle, creed and/or aims of a certain class of men and women. It’s another way of saying “Your continued existence will result in my death. And this is how my death will feel like. – KABOOM!”.
A lot legal people usually argue, “But your right to express yourself is affecting the rights of others!” – Bullshit. The whole point of terrorism is to induce fear and terror among the general public. That is its very design. And what is wrong with fear and terror? We don’t penalize the guy who operates a roller coaster for causing fear, now do we? Or some movie director for provoking terror with his movies? Neither do we punish the police for breaching the peace with their ridiculous sirens, home intrusions and road blocks, do we? Leave ‘Fear’ and ‘Terror’ alone, it keeps people alert, aware and it provides excitement.
The same legal people also say “But it causes physical harm!” – Bullshit! Marlboro cigarettes cause physical harm, Jack Daniels’ whisky causes physical harm and even McDonalds’ Big Mac causes physical harm – you don’t see these shits off the shelves or being illegal, do you? Smoking, drinking and eating can certainly be expressions and just because something takes a longer time to cause harm doesn’t make it any less harmful. Worst of all, they actually make you pay for these shits, while terrorism is completely free.
The very fact that you can place a bomb in the middle of a city square, explode it at rush hour and kill hundreds and hundreds of people is a fascinating and captivating idea and it should always be embraced as being the greatest form of human expression.
Conclusion: Terrorism is a completely legitimate, warranted and a necessary activity for human society. Terrorism is ultimately inspiring, it is exhilarating and it is goddamn fun! And we sure as fuck need A LOT more of it.
Hang
A drunken man was once looking for a coat hanger after returning home from a hangar. His wife telephoned to say she was having some hang-ups and he immediately hung up on her. He decided to hang up his hang-ups by getting himself more drinks. He hung around by the bar till late before the Bartender told him he was hanging up his towel and calling it a night. The man was at this point having a splitting hang over. The man got a rope and hung the Bartender.
If a man was going to be hanged for hanging another man while he was having a hang over, how would he feel if he had a hung jury?
Oprah
I greatly despise The Oprah Winfrey Show and Oprah herself. I think the show for the most part gives excessive attention on materialism and consumerism, it manufactures culture, paints Oprah as a God, highlights ridiculous issues which have no bearing on humanity and pays homage to mediocrity i.e. celebrities, Hollywood and pompous pop psychologists.
It’s just one big support group where weak, jaded and dumb Americans can bullshit themselves with ‘caring’, ‘sharing’, ‘giving’, ‘nurturing’ and ‘dreaming’.
Fuck Oprah! I hope she dies of uncontrollable diarrhoea and vaginal cancer!
Nonetheless, if the people from Oprah’s studio are looking for guests, here’s a list of people Oprah should get for her show:
An intellectual pirate
A gay mechanic
An Arab streaker
A stripper with leprosy
An elephant trainer with elephantiasis
A storytelling rapist
A transsexual terrorist
A Bangladeshi Goth
A wheel chair bound Clown
It’ll most certainly be garnering the Highest Ratings for the Year!
Life is Meaningless
You know one group of cocks that are completely full of shit – these weak and soft people who think that everything happens for a reason.
This is their usual pathetic story:
A dipshit usually has something unfavourable happen to him and in order to save himself from the embarrassment, humiliation and blame arising from the event and lacking anyone else to accuse, looks up to the sky and says:
“There has to be a reason for this, everything happens for a reason.”
BULLSHIT!
Nothing ever happens for a reason besides you deciding to fuck it up or it is simply an inevitable consequence of your own stupidity or the stupidity of others.
Nothing ever happens because of some pre-meditated ‘Reason’.
If there is some ‘Force’ that knows the past, present and future and is secretly controlling events and fucking things up on this planet for some Reason, then we need to find this fucking ‘Force’ and destroy it ASAP because it’s making life difficult for the 6 million children who die in Africa annually and the few thousand women who have their clitoris mutilated in Somalia yearly.
Human life itself is not here for some ‘Reason’. There is no special reason or divine motive behind it. It simply is here. We developed Intelligence and Intelligence helped us get this far. Is that such a difficult concept to grasp?
To take a shit because you feel like taking a shit? To piss on a cat because you feel like pissing on a cat? To beat your cousin on his head with a glass dildo because you hate the fuckin prick?
Why must everything have some kind of miraculous mumbo jumbo abracadabra bullshit associated with it? Can’t people just take ‘shitting’ for what it is rather than associating ‘mysticism’, ‘divinity’ and ‘prophesy’ with it? Must we make bullshit part of our national diet all the time?
Consider the following:
Premise 1: Dinosaurs, when alive 65 million years ago, were at the top of the food chain.
Premise 2: A meteorite crashed into the Earth, altered the Earth’s climate drastically and they died out.
Conclusion: If the meteorite didn’t fucking hit the Earth, we wouldn’t be fucking here! Human life would not have had the opportunity to thrive. Thus our “oh-so-God-given-life” that we so preciously think is sacred is nothing more than a meaningless fucking accident. Life is like a piece of turd; floating in a pool of water not because there was a Reason for it to be there but simply because it seemed like a good place for somebody to take a shit in!
And just to end the debate completely and put an end to these other bunch of losers who say:
“Everyone is here for a reason!”
Yeah, sure, everyone is indeed here for a reason. The reason is that your dad forgot to put on a condom and your mum was too much of a pussy not to get a fuckin abortion!
And now we have to listen to you babble about dumb shit things like ‘Reason’, you miserable fuckin no good cunt!
Hey, suck my dick!
Café Vagina 
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