Open All Night!!!


Why are people afraid of their own shit? It came from them anyway!

How can it be dirty? If it was, then so would you!

People have recently started inventing new devices and gadgets to minimise the physical contact and even the visual exposure to their own shit. Somehow over the recent decades, shit has begun to take on a new image. It was once part of the great cycle of Nature; manure for the plants, nourishment for the soil and sustenance for the earth. Today, shit is something you get rid off IMMEDIATELY – waste, filth, dirt; an unclean toxic pollutant!

At one time, people used their good ole hands to wipe the excess remaining shit off their ass – back then, people would admire the lumps their shit made on their palms; brown and soft wafer-like chunks that stuck on your palm, with watery trails of green syrup running down your wrist. Touching a piece of shit gently would mush it to a soaking sludgy splatter which saw a dark murky chocolate juice release from it with a remaining thick and gooey mess that felt so warm. Pressing it a little further and you could feel the tiny grainy crumbs of shit that is oh so rough, bumpy and wet. Rolling it into a ball you could see the specks of shit sprinkle all around your hands while a fat fleshy plump pulp begins to shape and the softness of your shit begins to harden and take form. Man, being curious creatures, then sticks his tongue out and takes a good lick of the flowing creaminess and then gently brushes the ball of shit on his tongue; tasting very slowly every inch of salt, sour and bitter his shit has to offer. Yum!

Things moved on to leaves later and slowly to toilet paper these days. Even the sumptuous smells were replaced by fresheners and purifiers. One time, Man use to dig a hole and take a shit in it, then he started doing it in collectable pots, slowly into squatting pipe holes and now into the modern sitting toilet bowls. These days in Japan, the toilet bowls even wash your ass for you. Gone were the days where you had to get down and dirty with a good ole plastic pail, your hands and your ass. Every hand stroke through your ass crack was a gamble; sometimes you got lucky with soft, soggy, moist and clammy remains on your hands… and some other days… well, you just left empty handed…literally!

But, in reality

To be fair though, we still have an infatuation or curiosity with our shit – just not the one that comes out of our ass. Today, we smear our shit on Myspace, Friendster and Facebook. We spend hours obsessed about pictures of ourselves, worthless self promotions, incredibly dumb personal advertorials and humiliatingly sad self infomercials. Oh, and let’s not forget the lame fucking Profiles!

Everyone wants to spread their shit around under the guise of ‘networking’, ‘making new friends’ and ‘keeping in touch’ AND everyone is munching, chewing and puking each others shit out for the easy consumption of others.

So much effort gone into creating a false image; 1001 pictures to convey someone’s “cool” social life, groups of conformists that represent “individuality” and staged videos which capture “real moments”. Where there is shit folks, there will be people; consuming, eating and feeding – giving rise to the next breed of Kardashians, Tequilas and Hiltons.

You are shit folks! You are Shit! So stop your embarrassing self glorification on Myspace, Facebook and Friendster. Delete your account, take a full whiff of your shit in the toilet and realise that you are completely full of shit! Then move on and have a real life.

You Stinking Heaps of Irrelevant Turds!


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