10 People That Really Piss Me Off!
In no particular order:
1. People who honk their horns as soon as the traffic lights turn green
What the fuck?! Patience you idiot! I drive a Manual car. Automatic are for pussies! I need to shift the fucking gear in and if you need to be some place quick then you should’ve left your home early you miserable sex-deprived motherfucker! This is the kind of people who are probably premature ejaculators who are done fucking 20 seconds BEFORE they get their pants off!
2. People who make children or youths march (for any purpose whatsoever)
Nazi Germany anyone? Are we that power crazy that we have to force innocent unsuspecting children and youths to walk in series lifelessly to the same beat? Fuck you! First, they make you march, then operate a M-16 and then eventually they instruct you to kill – and they ever so courteously call it ‘National Service’. Doesn’t matter whether you label it ‘Patriotism’, ‘Respect’ or ‘Honour’, to me, forcing someone to ‘move’ without an emergency is a violation of personal autonomy and a crime against humanity! Anyone that makes children or youths march deserves to have their anus probed by a moving drill while ‘Silent Night’ plays in the background!
3. People who light a cigarette in front of you without requesting your permission to invade your lungs with their filth
Hey, I don’t mind but make sure you blow your smoke on your cancer stricken grandma first who I would passionately give gonorrhea to, if I had it! The nerve of these foul stinking fucks to blow the scum from their lungs on me; invading my space and destroying my ability to enjoy the clean air around me. We go on bitching about how we want to END poverty, crime and corruption but yet we can’t even control this disgusting personal habit of ours; what the fuck kinda assholes are we? People like this need to have their dicks sprayed with industrial grade hydrochloric acid and their screams recorded and put into a compilation CD. I bet you it’ll be on the Billboard Top 100 Modern Rock charts for 9 years. Maybe even win a Grammy Award for Best Metal Album!
4. People who talk about how smart their young children, grandchildren, nephews, nieces, cousins or any young infant in their family are
Well, I hope that little kid chokes on your mother’s dildo and suffocates to death while watching violent sadomasochistic German animal porn! If a child hasn’t gone to school then nobody can ever know whether this kid is going to be a Tesla or a Moron. Babies and those below 6 generally do a lot of cute things that people tend to pass off as being “smart” but if they’re not talking about calculus or reading Heidegger’s Being and Time then they probably know jack shit! A Test: If your child still needs you to clean his ass for him then that’s a fine indicator that he is just as full of shit as you are!
5. People who carry cameras wherever they go and have a ‘pose’ when they take pictures of themselves
Face the facts! You’re Ugly! You are Butt Ugly! You always have been and you always will be. Carrying a camera only accentuates your need to affirm your ugliness and bullshit yourself into thinking that there’s some hidden beauty in your “signature” pose. Slit your wrist, take a picture of yourself and get your mum to post it up on Myspace. That to me would be extremely validating and highly fulfilling. Also I’ll make it a point to come for your funeral just so I can piss on your carcass before they close the coffin!
6. People who tell me how much their parents love them and each other
Who the fuck cares? Why the fuck should I even give a fuck? I hope they die in a violent car crash involving a garbage truck, a wheel chair and a bulldozer. And I hope you were in the middle of the wreckage, taking a pee when it happened! The fact that you’re sitting here telling me this shit goes to show your parents didn’t really love each other at all! If they did, they wouldn’t have fucked to bring you into this world, instead they would’ve gone exploring their love and the world without a need to conform to social pressure and kill their love to conceive a shithead like you. They don’t REALLY love you, you’re just someone they have to take care off because you couldn’t feed yourself or clean your own shit stains. People like this should inject a little fire into their hopeless lives; try bungee jumping without a cord or skydiving without a parachute or lion hunting without a gun. I assure you it will be stimulating and fuckin fun!
7. People who start off a conversation with “So, where do you go clubbing?”
Clubbing sucks just as badly as you! C’mon folks think about it for a second, you waste 5 days of your life surrounded by noise and pestilence (other people) only to subject your weekend to more noise and more pestilence (other people)? Get fuckin real! Go home and jack-off on your dog or something! In fact people who go clubbing are themselves full of horse shit. They are extremely dim, weak-willed, superficial and fuckin primitive; these are the people who are responsible for destroying the nation’s gene pool. To top all of that, these people are also extremely desperate for attention and would sink to great lows just to prove their “masculinity” or “femininity”. Guys get into fights and girls get too drunk and wonder the next day why they woke up without their pants on, gagged, tied and with a sore ass in the middle of some alleyway in Eastern Europe.
8. People who change their mobile phones or any hand held mobile electronic gizmo or gadget on a monthly basis
You’re a nobody. Having the latest phone is not going to make you cool, well respected or liked. If it does, then you obviously need some real friends. Gone were the days of ‘sentimental value’ and ‘prized possessions’; everything now is temporary, disposable and obsolete – just like the people that use them! It is these kinda motherfuckers that cause for excessive despoiling of the environment, inhumane treatment of workers in China and child labour in India because they can’t seem to be fuckin happy with what they have. These people are a real bunch of unappreciative dipshits who lead bankrupt and mundane lives while offloading their bullshit on others. Every time I meet people like this, I’m tempted to dip them in BBQ Sauce and let a few Grizzly Bears loose on them, film the whole thing and put it up on Youtube with the title “Winnie the Pooh goes Apeshit!”.
9. Guys who talk about how fast their computers are or how much RAM size or hard disk space they have
Over compensating for their insecurity about their small penises. Period. There is no other reason why a guy would talk about shit like this. Same reason why guys need big cars, big houses and big bank accounts; to compensate for their lack of confidence and lack of individuality – so they cower in huge illusions of security hoping that some dumb bimbo will be impressed and have sex with them, get married and pump out 2.3 shitty children that they can praise about. Old outdated “macho” bullshit that’s just embarrassing and hindering the human species from evolving. They then die miserably still talking about their RAM size and hard disk space. Guys like this need to have their balls hooked to a jet ski with a brick on the accelerator!
10. Girls who try to emulate celebrities
I love girls and generally find them to be FAR more insightful than guys but this new breed of un-intellectual social conforming bimbos are just wasting good Earth space and giving way to more dumb babies to be born; polluting this world further with everyone from 1-9. There was a time when Women used to be courageous and bold and in fact even paved the way for Men to follow. In these sorry days, most girls spend their time in fuckin’ malls buying unnecessary cosmetics, covering up their true beauty and filling their vacant heads with empty details about J.Lo’s ass and Britney’s cunt, just so they can impress the guy with the big car, big house and big bank account into fucking them and leading a boring lifeless marriage full of misery, drudgery and heartache. I will continue to pray for a regional parasite outbreak at local tampon factories. Fuck these wasteful vessels of estrogen!
In conclusion, we sure as hell need another Tsunami to clean this shithole up!