Archive for January, 2009

Mat Rempit

Posted in Malaysianism, Society on January 30, 2009 by Aston

I like Mat Rempits. I really do. Firstly, they just don’t give a fuck! And I really admire a quality like that in a person. Why should one be bound by the precedents and views of others? Fuck them! If you do not consider yourself as ‘others’, then why be bogged down by their dictates? Get a bike, rev it up to full speed and live freely!

Secondly, Mat Rempits are the outcome of our Government’s policy. And when I say Government, I refer not to just our political parties but I refer to every single one of you; from the fuck who votes to the dude who works in the counter at Lembaga Peperiksaan to the big Bureaucrat who makes the “decisions”.

Think about it for a second: Education or rather Governance in Malaysia isn’t geared towards helping people harness their skills as individuals or providing opportunities to people so that they don’t end up homeless or jobless – Governance in Malaysia is based on providing as much money to build bigger schools, larger sports complexes, taller buildings, better computers and enhanced facilities. We build tools not people.

Nobody really cares about the individual. Nobody is really bothered about the person. Nobody allows the student to find himself.

Now think about the Mat Rempit story: A little boy who comes from a poor as fuck family in a marginalised area often raised by a single parent; most usually his mum who sells karipap by the side of the road. She has to raise this boy and ensure that he gets educated with what meager money she has. The boy now is done with his SPM after scoring a mediocre grade as he had no access to sufficient educational material. He has no real skills and was never coaxed to find it while in school. His teachers never paid attention to him and nobody sat down with him to tell him what his options were after graduating.

So he gets himself a low-paying-mundane-no-skill job in a factory putting pins into holes or making holes in pins. He is severely frustrated in life and buys a cheap motorbike to get to work. He has insufficient money for entertainment, he has no prospects for social mobility and will always be poor – SO he races!

He races to have fun. He races to be recognised. He races to win money.

Thirdly, do we care enough to help them to a different path? Fuck NO! We go on vilifying them, racially discriminating them and the police show absolute disregard for them; savagely beating and brutalising them while in custody – adding more salt to the wound. We pick on them, we laugh at them and we hope for their demise. To a large extent most of us want them locked up and put away so we can all safely use our roads and sleep peacefully at night without being reminded of how we vicariously fucked these young people’s lives up.

But they won’t stop racing and I certainly hope they don’t. It’s a social group, a support group, the Mat Rempits. It’s an opportunity for these youths to meet like-minded individuals who have the same story, to seek acceptance and to collectively realise how pissed off they are with the rest of the nation for treating them like dirt rather than as individuals. So they go on their adventures weekly destroying property, committing crimes and being utter hooligans – giving back to society what society gave to them.

Free Sex

Posted in Observations on January 29, 2009 by Aston

Sex is not free. Money goes to the following places:

A) Condoms
B) Birth Control Pills
C) Spermicide
D) Diaphragms
E) The Abortion Clinic
F) All of the above

International Chicken Coop

Posted in Observations, Society on January 22, 2009 by Aston

Nobody really thinks deep enough about chickens. We catch a few, put them in a secluded environment where we give them the illusion of security and safety. We give them just the adequate amount of food to survive and we force them to produce as much young as possible before eating them when they get older. We then isolate the young; some we feed ourselves with (eggs) and some are taken away and raised to continue the cycle above. We have taken the ‘Life’ of chickens and we have manipulated it to suit our needs. Man has actually been playing God with chickens!

What’s fascinating though is that we seem to be doing the same thing to ourselves – fencing off huge chunks of land, putting workers on it, ensuring a good “standard of living”, proclaiming Marriage as an institution of “love”, welcoming children freely, indoctrinating them with our “education”, employing them in our land, working them till their deaths and continuing the cycle day after day, decade after decade, century after century.

‘Countries’…..merely large Chicken Coops!

Cars

Posted in Malaysianism, Observations on January 21, 2009 by Aston

The Italians are known for being Adventurous, Wild and Expressive and this is reflected quite well in their Ferraris, Lamborghinis and Maseratis.

The Americans have always come across as being Big, Tough and Mean and they have their Dodges, Pontiacs and Corvettes.

The Japanese are highly Practical and are generally Small sized people who lead a very Quick-paced life and much like that are their Mitsubishis, Hondas and Toyotas.

The British are people who love to stand by their Tradition, have great Pride in who they are and love things to be Grand, so they have their Rolls Royces, Austin Healeys and Aston Martins.

The Germans are Ingenious people who value Integrity and have superb Precision in their workmanship which explains their Mercedes Benz, BMWs and Audis.

In Malaysia, we have Proton and Perodua…..we are well known for being __________, _____________ and ____________.


I’ll leave you good Malaysian folks to try and figure this one out yourselves….

50 Cent

Posted in Observations on January 20, 2009 by Aston

Rapper 50 Cent said:

‘Get Rich or Die Tryin’


Tupac and Biggie Smalls achieved both!

The Hunger

Posted in Humans on January 17, 2009 by Aston

Eating.

Feeding.

Ravaging. Feasting.

Munching. Chewing. Masticating.

Ingesting. Swallowing. Consuming. Devouring. Gorging.

Man’s disease is his insatiable Hunger. Man’s trade is to take all that can be taken. Man is driven by the simple sight of plenty. He will be struck with sadness if he does not have. He must continue to fill himself up. He equates happiness with that which he can attain. He will never tire as long as there is more. His incentives are that which he can obtain.

His duty will always be based on what he wants to gain. He will wage war to secure what will be his. He will be willing to kill to receive. His life is led because of what he craves. His wants eventually become his needs.

Man will discard Silence. Man will unlearn Stillness. Man will never Live.

Misery. Suffering.

Shadow.

Death.

 

Art courtesy of Aimal Khattak

Necrophilia

Posted in Language, Society on January 15, 2009 by Aston

This one’s for the guys…

I can’t seem to find anything wrong with Necrophilia. It seems to be illegal in most countries though. Most people seem to think fucking a dead person is morally wrong. How so?

Sure, it does go to show you don’t really have a social life but think about it for a second, in a world where we SELL Gluttonous products like a Value Meal, Pride-inducing vehicles like a Rolls Royce or Lust-harnessing perfumes and colognes – where ADVERTISING is based on creating Envy amongst people causing them to get Angry and Greed for more before wastefully throwing their purchases aside and becoming Slothful pigs – in such a world, there is no reason why you can’t get uncollected bodies at a morgue and market it as a:

All You Can Rape Buffet!

Technically, the issue of consent never really comes up because the person is dead. The bodies are re-useable and even disposable so there won’t be any risks of sexually transmitted diseases owing to multiple partners. These bodies are also uncollected so you won’t find any disgruntled relatives.

Furthermore, I think there should always be an option in the sign off form for relatives to give away their deceased relative for such a cause; obviously they should be remunerated for it; a small fee and a ‘thank you’ card would certainly not hurt. It would definitely ease the burden of funeral fees for the poor.

The illegal prostitution trade would undoubtedly be badly affected by this Buffet and to a certain extent even rapes might be reduced. Such a Buffet would also allow people to express their deepest and vilest sexual fantasies and perversions without any hindrance. It will certainly provide opportunities to youths to experiment with sex without any unwanted repercussions.

Businessmen seeking for affairs need not worry because there are no emotional entanglements or attachments and it will certainly reduce the pent up sexual frustration of the general adult male population in most countries. And best of all, it’s the ONLY time guys can ever say…

“I fucked the living shit out of her…”

and actually mean it, literally…

One

Posted in Society on January 11, 2009 by Aston

All it takes is one man. One man. That’s all you’ll ever need.

He merely has to go to the outskirts of a major city and plant four (4) simple home made explosives on the four uninhabited outer corners of the city; more specifically at the foot of four (4) electric towers on the national grid.

Then head back to the city and place three (3) vans with racist pamphlets in 3 areas occupied predominantly by a certain racial group. Each van having pamphlets with hate messages directed at the race in that area. Each van must be fitted with a simple self made small scale explosive; powerful enough to rupture the van’s frame but not intense enough to injure anyone.

Have all bombs timed to blow up at 12 noon. All 7 explosives will then detonate.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

All lights will go off when the grid collapses. All electrical equipment will power off and there will be hate filled papers flying all over the city. The air will be overflowing with fear, all will panic and terror will be the motif for the day.

There will immediately be long queues in front of banks but it won’t last long when insecurity and impatience grow amongst people. Most will begin to shout, scream, push, shove and fight. Banks will have to close to reduce their potential losses but their counters will immediately be stormed and overrun with account holders, non account holders and thugs who will ransack the place and empty its vaults after sodomising the bank manager and getting the vault combination from him.

Everyone will be enraged to find their races targeted and all will take up arms against their neighbour. One race will butcher another, one group will annihilate another and one ethnicity will massacre another. All hope to live in security by removing each other.

The poor will be deprived of their transport, their source of income and their ability to survive – all will need food, shelter, clothing and fuel. They will immediately begin to steal, rob and burgle. Riots will break out immediately with huge departmental stores and supermarkets being wiped clean of all its produce, groceries and sundries.

The army, the riot police and the police will be called in, but the public being charged with extreme resentment will seize the squad’s weaponry; their water cannons, batons, shields, grenades and guns and use it against the squads. Out of the sheer madness, chaos and disorder, the squads will be forced to leave the “battleground” to save their own family, leaving their cruisers, trucks and armored vehicles behind. The people hijack these machines and begin using them to kill, slaughter and eradicate each other.

The international press sends their teams of reporters, journalists and cameramen over to the city to provide coverage for the rest of the world. While doing their duties they are attacked by mobs of people who intend to salvage their cameras, lights and appliances to exchange them for food and other amenities. The press people are tortured before being discarded into a river and most of these acts were captured on film for the world to see. Foreign investments stop immediately. Multinational corporations leave as soon as possible. International trade is halted completely.

The people gather around the tallest flagpole in the city and wheel the flag down before defecating, heaving and urinating on it one at a time. When all were done, it was set on fire and raised back up the flagpole to commemorate the people’s liberation while at the same time becoming the nation’s new flag. Most buildings will be set on fire after being looted and the whole city becomes a splitting image of hell.

Most people would attempt to flee but cars would be stopped in the middle of the street, its drivers dragged out before having their heads smashed by a brick and their cars stolen. Cars wouldn’t travel for long as they would run out of fuel and ‘electricity driven fuel pumps’ have stopped functioning. Mobile phones would not work as there is no reception in the air. The telephone lines are dead. The internet is completely useless. All means of personal communication would become redundant.

Those that don’t partake in the festivities realise that they have inadequate water supply as the ‘electric pumps’ in the reservoir have stopped pumping water into the pipes. People will begin running towards the closest rivers and lakes to collect water but owing to the excessive pollution in these bodies of water, they develop hepatitis, cholera, typhoid, dysentery and botulism.

Some head off to the hospital for treatment owing to serious bodily injury, hunger and disease. Doctors and nurses try their best but are not able to cater to all which results in a huge mob stealing all medical supplies before killing the doctors, raping the nurses, fucking the corpses in the morgue and demolishing the hospital.

Many people would begin seeking refuge in their respective religious structures. The religious leaders are nowhere to be found and have long since disappeared. After a number of hours, packs of bigots appear around these structures to proclaim their hateful slogans. They then start plundering the place of its valuable gold, silver and donations before locking the people in and torching the place leaving nothing but ash and dust.

Politicians gather in parliament or congress to declare a state of emergency while throngs of people stand outside Hoping for an immediate Change in the current condition and Believing that things are going to get better.

Babies are crying, children are moaning and disgruntled people chant their disagreements. The people begin getting restless after the politicians are not seen after three days, so they break into the parliament complex and begin raiding the place.

Upon seeing all the politicians cowering in a corner of a room, scared out of their wits, the mob violently beats them to an inch of their lives and proceeds to bathe them in kerosene. They paint parliament with what gasoline and diesel they have left and set it alight. Parliament burns to the ground as mass of men in drunken stupor, from alcohol stolen from liquor shops, run around the blazing inferno singing the National Anthem – a song about a place where they proudly spilt their blood or gave their lives.

Current criminal underworld leaders make their way to the prisons and proceed to release all their criminal comrades and bestow them their long awaited freedom. From the confines and chasms of the prisons come the murderers, sadists, lunatics, psychos, rapists, molesters, pedophiles, sexual predators, robbers, burglars, thieves, thugs, hooligans, drug lords, drug traffickers, racketeers, extortionists, blackmailers, kidnappers, arsonists, vandals, terrorists, racists, triads bosses, hit men and gangsters.

High income, white collar, upper/upper-middle class residential areas are then immediately pillaged by these criminals and widespread looting takes place. Men are enslaved, their wives raped in front of their eyes and their children disemboweled. Their property taken away and their sense of self worth reduced to nil.

The people, seeking answers to this catastrophe eventually make their way to the administrative heart of the nation; a centralised area with all government structures. They see staffs and officials still on their tea break completely oblivious to what has taken place, so the people begin ravaging, scavenging and destroying all buildings and structures starting off of course with the Home Ministry or Department of Homeland Security or Home Office.

Male staffs are raped orally before being tied and kicked to the ground where an armoured vehicle is driven over them slowly, one at a time. Female staffs are anally sodomised with broken fluorescent light tubes stolen from the buildings and are later tied behind trucks and cruisers where are they are dragged continuously till they turn into redundant pulps of flesh. All bodies are later collected and heaped in the middle of the administrative city where it is lit on fire. The people, now completely drunk on alcohol and high on drugs, begin wandering the neighbouring cities and states searching for food and shelter, bringing their violence and hunger along with them; destroying the landscape and inflicting harm upon everyone.

Money has lost its legal tender and the people are left with worthless valueless pieces of paper.

There is no industry, there is no commerce and there is no economy.

Food becomes impossible to cultivate as the modern man has lost all knowledge on farming. Shelter becomes unattainable as the average man has no comprehension of basic engineering. There is no longer Clothing as the man on the street has no know-how on weaving. Everyone lacks money and starts resorting back to the barter system; giving what they have, to obtain what they need. Men will start selling their labour to criminal bosses for meager food, women will start prostituting themselves for shelter and children….well they just die owing to starvation and disease.

The majority of people will then begin to commit suicide; jumping off cliffs, drinking poison, drowning themselves, driving into ravines, setting themselves on fire, blowing themselves up, falling off buildings, hanging themselves, slitting themselves, walking in front of vehicles, suffocating themselves, overdosing on drugs, smashing their heads on walls, inhaling exhaust fumes, stabbing themselves, starving themselves and autoerotic sexual asphyxia.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Modern Society is like a house of cards. Give it a light puff and everything falls to the ground.

And all it takes is one man. One man. That’s all you’ll ever need.

Orang Asli

Posted in Malaysianism, Observations on January 9, 2009 by Aston

We’ve placed them just far enough that no Malaysian can see them and just close enough that all the Tourists can find them…

…part of the great spirit of ‘Tolerance’ we’re well known for in this crumbling Federation!

 

Orang Asal

Numbers

Posted in Observations on January 7, 2009 by Aston

It is quite strange: I can count from 1 to 10 in a jiffy. 10 to 1 in a slightly reduced speed and I can almost never recite those numbers in random, without repeating it, at all!