S.H.I.T.

Why are people afraid of their own shit? It came from them anyway!

How can it be dirty? If it was, then so would you!

People have recently started inventing new devices and gadgets to minimise the physical contact and even the visual exposure to their own shit. Somehow over the recent decades, shit has begun to take on a new image. It was once part of the great cycle of Nature; manure for the plants, nourishment for the soil and sustenance for the earth. Today, shit is something you get rid off IMMEDIATELY – waste, filth, dirt; an unclean toxic pollutant!

At one time, people used their good ole hands to wipe the excess remaining shit off their ass – back then, people would admire the lumps their shit made on their palms; brown and soft wafer-like chunks that stuck on your palm, with watery trails of green syrup running down your wrist. Touching a piece of shit gently would mush it to a soaking sludgy splatter which saw a dark murky chocolate juice release from it with a remaining thick and gooey mess that felt so warm. Pressing it a little further and you could feel the tiny grainy crumbs of shit that is oh so rough, bumpy and wet. Rolling it into a ball you could see the specks of shit sprinkle all around your hands while a fat fleshy plump pulp begins to shape and the softness of your shit begins to harden and take form. Man, being curious creatures, then sticks his tongue out and takes a good lick of the flowing creaminess and then gently brushes the ball of shit on his tongue; tasting very slowly every inch of salt, sour and bitter his shit has to offer. Yum!

Things moved on to leaves later and slowly to toilet paper these days. Even the sumptuous smells were replaced by fresheners and purifiers. One time, Man use to dig a hole and take a shit in it, then he started doing it in collectable pots, slowly into squatting pipe holes and now into the modern sitting toilet bowls. These days in Japan, the toilet bowls even wash your ass for you. Gone were the days where you had to get down and dirty with a good ole plastic pail, your hands and your ass. Every hand stroke through your ass crack was a gamble; sometimes you got lucky with soft, soggy, moist and clammy remains on your hands… and some other days… well, you just left empty handed…literally!

But, in reality

To be fair though, we still have an infatuation or curiosity with our shit – just not the one that comes out of our ass. Today, we smear our shit on Myspace, Friendster and Facebook. We spend hours obsessed about pictures of ourselves, worthless self promotions, incredibly dumb personal advertorials and humiliatingly sad self infomercials. Oh, and let’s not forget the lame fucking Profiles!

Everyone wants to spread their shit around under the guise of ‘networking’, ‘making new friends’ and ‘keeping in touch’ AND everyone is munching, chewing and puking each others shit out for the easy consumption of others.

So much effort gone into creating a false image; 1001 pictures to convey someone’s “cool” social life, groups of conformists that represent “individuality” and staged videos which capture “real moments”. Where there is shit folks, there will be people; consuming, eating and feeding – giving rise to the next breed of Kardashians, Tequilas and Hiltons.

You are shit folks! You are Shit! So stop your embarrassing self glorification on Myspace, Facebook and Friendster. Delete your account, take a full whiff of your shit in the toilet and realise that you are completely full of shit! Then move on and have a real life.

You Stinking Heaps of Irrelevant Turds!

Anti-Discrimination Law

Aren’t anti-discrimination laws stereotyping white people as being racists?

New Wave Genocide

If a dictator was a homosexual and he decided to pull off a ‘genocide’, who would his victims be?

He would certainly change his status to a ‘Dicktaker’ instead of ‘Dictator’.

His infantrymen: Privates

His navy: Seamen

His air force: Top Gun

Hmm, come to think about it. There really isn’t much difference if he was straight or a homosexual…

Freedom & Security

Freedom – a multifaceted word.

A word used specifically to describe the ability for a person to move without restriction. It can also be used to define a state of mind; being completely free from prejudices, stigmas and stereotypes. It is a defining quality of Man’s spirit.

Security – a multifaceted word.

A word used specifically to describe a sheltered, protected and safe state of existence. It can also be used to define a state of mind; being completely free from unpredictability, sticking with the tried and tested and stationing yourself with the familiar. It has become a defining quality of Man’s spirit.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Both, are diametrically opposite ideals. If you strive for one, you would have to give up the other. While you may try to strike a balance, but as long as you’re not the one determining where the centre lies, you will never be content.

I have complete freedom of speech, expression and association – any attempt to curtail it is in violation of my nature. The very imposition of exceptions, might it be “public security”, “public order” or “public morality” is therefore harmful to my existence. If I am totally free in mind, then bigotry, racism and hatred will not be part of my life.

For those that may insist on ‘fear’ and ‘discrimination’ as being part of their message, they are free to do so. They are free to be themselves.

There are no such things as “sensitive issues” or “hurt feelings”. These are refuges of the weak, the shackled and those deceived by Security. If you feel “sensitive” or “hurt”, then the problem lies with you, it is not the fault of the message or the messenger. YOU must learn to listen, contemplate and understand – only then will you be able to appreciate your Freedom.

Defend

‘Defending your Country’ doesn’t mean walking with a rifle in a foreign land and bombing it…it means dying where you were born!

A Christmas Interview with God

The following interview took place in Puduraya bus station over a cup of teh tarik. It was a hot Christmas day and God had arrived there at 11.39 am. He was dressed in some torn Lee jeans with a black t-shirt that read ‘I FUCKED YO MAMA!’. He had long shoulder length hair, a small goatee and a scar on his right cheek, just below his eye. He was about 6’ (six feet) in height, looked very pale and he had a swastika on his left wrist with the words ‘White Power!’. As soon as He sat down, He said, “Sorry for being 9 minutes late, I had to find the right attire. Must blend in.”. The interview proceeded…

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Interviewer: So how are you today God? Should I be calling you God? Or are there other names?

God: I am fine boy. No you don’t have to call me God. Because I’m in Malaysia, you can call me Govinda Ong Dollah.

 Interviewer: That’s a lil long, don’t you think?

God: Then, just say GOD la!

Interviewer: Ok ok, will do. So, God…the reason why I called you here…

God: Eh hold on. ‘God’ doesn’t sound cool la. Let me see, tell you what. You call me Ramly and pretend I sell burgers for a living. And that my burger stall is outside a 7-11 store. Ok, what were you saying?

Interviewer: Ok Ramly, noted. So, the reason why I called you here is to find out a bit about your thoughts on Christmas and also to hear about your adventures being God. A little personal information about yourself would also be really welcomed. Will that be fine?

Ramly: Boleh gak!

I: Alright. So about 2000 years ago. You sent your only begotten son Jesus down to Earth to spread your message. Is that correct?

R: Something like that la. What happened was, there was this girl, Mary or something, that was chilling about in a garden. So I was feeling quite happy la that night, so I called out “Yo, Gabriel!”. Gabriel was my angel friend la. I’ve been telling him all the time to change his attire, he looks like such a queer, oops I mean bapok, but he never wants to listen to me. And you know me right? I’m not too fond of gaydom! (Genesis 18-19).

I: Yup, that is well documented. So what happened next?

R: So I said to Gabriel, “I want you to go and fuck that girl!”, but he refused, saying that she didn’t ask for it and that it would be wrong. So I said, “You cheap fuck! I have given you a place here to live with all the food and stuff you need and when I ask you to fuck someone, you don’t listen?! Don’t let me go Sodom on your ass!”, he promptly followed my instructions and impregnated Mary.

I: Ah I see. You mentioned earlier that Gabriel said Mary didn’t ask for it?

R: Well, technically she wouldn’t have seen it coming. But I made sure he told her some mumbo jumbo about Holy Spirit ‘coming’ unto her. And yeah, she went along with it.

I: Ramly, if she didn’t want it and she was impregnated anyway, wouldn’t that mean that there was no consent or rather she was fooled into consenting?

R: Well, if you want to get technical and follow Rape laws, yeah then of course la she was Raped.

I: Those would be your words not mine though.

R: Consider it the Word of God la… hahaha. So yeah, I know it’s a bad way for the Son of God to start of his voyage. Lots of deceit, deception and trickery, but, how else you gonna impregnate an innocent, husbandless, naive girl? Huh? Huh? You tell me!

I: Innocent, husbandless, naive girl? Hmm… by not lying to her perhaps?

R: That would be killing the mystery of God. How can people then say “God works in mysterious ways!”?! The sentence would be obsolete.

I: But you just created a new being on this earth who has no real father figure or rather will never know his true father.

R: I know, working on technicalities, Jesus would be a bastard, but at least he has good genes!

I: Alright moving on. What about Joseph? Did you consider his views on this?

R: No!

I: Is there anything else you want to comment on Joseph?

R: Oh yes. Well, funny thing is, the moment he heard the news he was obviously fuc….err… no nothing else to comment!

I: So, the story goes that Joseph and Mary (just a few hours before delivering) travelled to Bethlehem on a donkey and couldn’t find a single room in the Bethlehem Inn. Why didn’t you do anything for them?

R: What did you expect me to do?

I: Well, you were famous for parting the Red Sea (Genesis 13-15), raining food from the skies (Exodus 16) and flooding the world (Genesis 6-9). Surely you could’ve at least, say built them a hotel or a camp at least?

R: Hmm… I never thought about that. I must’ve been busy trying save the inhabitants of Venus from being fried due to the excessive green house gasses in that place. Fuck ‘Global Warming’, that place is ‘Global Microwaving’. Sometimes, I just don’t have time man. The Universe is a shit huge place! There are some places you guys haven’t even heard of before! Have you heard of The Great Anusia Star Cluster?

I: No.

R: Well, it exists, about 265 million million light years away from Earth. And don’t worry, you guys will never learn about that place with the current rate of your technological advancements. That place had a massive full scale inter-galactic civil war involving 32 races piloting space ships that could disappear into thin air with death rays that could melt atoms. This Jesus story is nothing!

I: I see. Alright back to this Jesus story. So Jesus was finally born in a dirty manger near the inns.

R: Hahah…I always found that funny…manger. He arrived on a donkey and was born near a donkey. He even rode donkeys later on. Donkey-Boy!

I: I’m sorry Ramly, if I could just take you back. After Jesus was born, 3 wise men were informed of his birth. Why were the three of them informed?

R: Oh those 3 stooges. Well, they were chilling by the country side when I sent some angels to go scare these guys to visit Jesus. There were scared shitless!

The reason I sent them was cause Jesus, Mary and Joseph were broke and were fuckin stinking. Their donkey was dying of a severe leg infection, it had pus and blood oozing out of its nostrils and left knee. The manger also reeked of animal shit. So I sent these 3 old goons to follow a star in the sky to bring Gold (for Jesus, Mary and Joseph to sell and get a new ride), Frankincense (for the place to not smell like dung) and Myrrh (for them to not smell like animal shit).

I: Tell me more about this star in the sky? Why was it only prevalent at that time?

R: Well, Lord Jo’Lok of Planet Penisia in the Anusia Star Cluster had decided to end the war by launching a bionuclear-particle-combusting-wave into the neighbouring solar system, which made every living cell explode when it came into contact with the wave. So there was a huge gargantuan explosion in space which was what the 3 wise men saw.

I: So there was no star?

R: Fuck no! It’s the night sky. How would it be any different from any other night?

I: So why did you choose December 25th as a day for the Saviour?

R: I didn’t. Whoever wrote Christianity probably did. Jesus cannot be blamed for any of this shit. He didn’t write anything down. So whoever did, probably made the damn thing up! I think whoever made it up was probably giving reference to the Sun, which sets the quickest during the Winter Solstice (December 21st) and the concluding 3 days. On the 25th of December it usually starts to spend a little extra time on the Earth’s surface before getting gradually longer everyday and finally ushering spring in February! It’s supposed to be a sign of newness and hope. Some metaphoric shit!

I: Right. Wow, I never knew this.

R: Don’t worry, most Christians don’t either. In fact, Australians still celebrate Christmas! How fuckin dumb is that? They should be banging chicks and enjoying summer man!

I: So what are your thoughts on your Son, Jesus?

R: Well, he was a lost cause. And the Bible doesn’t do much to detail the kind of person he really was. The Bible makes him into a soft, lovey-dovey, humble, weak and fragile man. He was nothing like that. He was a rebel, an outlaw and a fuckin badass!

This man was against religion (Matthew 23), he was anti establishment (Mark 11:15-19) and he loved women (John 8)! He wanted a social revolution (Matthew 5), he was a communist (Mark 6:30-44) and he just didn’t give a fuck (John 18:28 – 19:16)!

He was what I was hoping the human species to become; free from their mindless shackles of ignorance, fear and folly – sadly the damn plan backfired!

I: How did it backfire?

R: Look around, people became what Jesus preached against. Leading a meaningless cycle every year celebrating some faux birthday modeled after the passage of the Sun; ironically, remembering a Man who told them to be free and to love.

I: But don’t people Love their Neighbours? Isn’t that what Jesus said?

R: Jesus said ‘Love your Neighbour as Yourself’ (Mark 12:31). You must first love yourself. Give yourself all that you need; time, attention and care. When you do that, then you will understand Love. After that, turn to the guy next to you, your neighbour, and do the same for him as you do for yourself, then you have – Love your Neighbour!

I: This has been noted indeed Ramly. What are your expectations for the human race?

R: Stop celebrating Christmas! Save a trillion dollars on this one miserable day and give it to a group of people in some shithole God forsaken place that really need it. The reason I forsook that place was well…..cause… it was a shithole, so I think you guys ought to do something about it instead. Don’t hope on me, I have got Anusia to think about!

I: Any final words Ramly?

R: I once said “Be fruitful AND multiply” (Genesis 1:28). Don’t people listen to what the fuck I’m saying?! First be fruitful, that means, solve your problems first; poverty, crime, torture, starvation, corruption, discrimination, conflicts, disputes and wars.

And only then, you multiply. If you haven’t been fruitful, then don’t fuckin multiply!

Peace out Mofos!

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

The interview ended. I paid for God’s teh tarik and accompanied Him to the ground floor of Puduraya where he boarded a bus headed towards Kamunting. I headed back to the parking lot and drove away in my car. I generally found the interview to be wholly inspiring and very enlightening.

AIDS, Race & Malaysia

I refer to this news report – The Star.

Briefly, the Malaysian Government has decided to make it compulsory for Muslim couples to undergo a HIV test before getting married.

The Mandatory Screening

This decision, by the Malaysian politicians, is yet another attempt to keep the Malay population in check – to instil herd conformity, to keep people walking in a line without questioning. It is a basic task of reducing people’s liberties, uniqueness and individuality – to make everyone dress and think alike.

And it is very simple to do indeed:-

You isolate a group of people under the guise of some bigger establishment, in this case religion (Islam), then you tell them that they are under a threat, in this case a disease (AIDS) and out of an irrational fear of death and non-acceptance, people will conform blindly without question.

Such an action was employed by the Nazis and boy did it work well! Click here  for Hermann Goering’s cell confession during the Nuremberg trials.

The Malaysian Government in its stance for testing couples says it wants to stop the spread of AIDS among Women. Well, if you read up on HIV, you would realise, it is Men who go around ejaculating into Women thus spreading the disease. So it is Men that we ought to be concerned about NOT Women!

‘Stopping the spread of AIDS among women’ is a ploy. What the leaders of this country really want to do is to control the Malay population – to ensure that there is a sufficient supply of healthy Malay babies being discharged so that they can be coerced with the History a.k.a. Propaganda they learn in school; making them exclude themselves further in order to vote and perpetuate a divided, bureaucratic and incompetent nation.

The Malays

You know, at one time being a Malay meant something. It meant that you didn’t take no bullshit from anyone. Being a Malay stood for courage, wisdom and a towering will to survive. The Malays these days are weak, dumb and easily led. They let someone else do the thinking for them and wag along where the money to buy their vote is.

What is depressing though is the fact that the Muslims in this country or rather Malays continue to buy into these bullshit; accepting EVERYTHING the Government says as being divine truth without for a minute standing back and thinking.

The Government continues to use Islam to get Malays riled up and the Malays tag along like sheep without considering the consequences of their action. Do Malays not feel affected at how they are being treated in relation to this AIDS screening?

Think about it: you are restricted, tested and databased. You are being captured, studied and tagged; just like an animal. Do you not feel hurt that this is how your government treats you? Like cattle! Why do you put up with this?

And always remember, they have your blood – that means they have your DNA, your current health condition, your hereditary traits, your biological workings, information on potential diseases you might contract and even your past lifestyle. Where is your privacy? Who is being given this information? Who might SELL this information? More importantly, who is BUYING it?

Racism

It is this kind of isolationistic attitude by the leaders of Malaysia and by the Malays that give them NO right to complain about racial segregation in this country. We send our kids off for months to some bullshit National Service, which has killed children, in order to learn UNITY?! Fuck that!

The government has 11 years to teach kids ‘Unity’ in schools, instead they segregate Malays and Non-Malays one hour of their lives everyday for Moral and Islam. The Malaysian Schools ARE the birthplace of Racism in Malaysia!

Racial segregation in this country folks, is institutionalised and self perpetuated!

AIDS

Now, as for AIDS. Why bother? Why give a shit? Why give a fuck? There is absolutely nothing wrong with AIDS. AIDS or rather the virus, HIV, is completely natural. It came from the Earth and it is just another manifestation of Nature.

In fact, I strongly believe that Nature meant for HIV to be here to keep the human population in check. Think about the very design of the virus – it is simply beautiful! Here is a virus that preys on someone’s immune system; the very system that helps remove unwanted germs. Here comes HIV, to kill that very system, making you more prone to infections; reducing your life expectancy drastically.

And, look how it spreads. It does so sexually! So as soon as you contract AIDS, your lineage is fucked! Your descendants are screwed! And it comes with a certain psychological effect; when you know you have AIDS, you are least likely to procreate, thereby reducing the human species from thriving. This, my friends, is just another surprise Nature has in store for us. Be happy with it!

Living with AIDS

I say, having AIDS shouldn’t stop you from living. Say you meet someone with AIDS and you Love this person very much. This is someone who gives YOUR life purpose, someone who gives YOU meaning, this here is someone who makes YOU a better person; someone who YOU would be willing to die for.

So what then is the problem with contracting AIDS, living a beautiful life and dying knowing you lived for Love?

What else would you prefer to fuckin’ do? Live a completely barren life, married to blind subservient religious nut who believes that you actually have to pray before and after you fuck her? Is this really the life you people want? A life so depressing that you end up going through 2 packets of cigarettes every day before being diagnosed with lung cancer, kidney failure or brain tumour; resulting in a slow, long and painful death?…

…as you lay on a hospital bed covered in your own shit while a religious official recites some nonsense slogan about the afterlife; a place where he himself has no proof of:-

Your life, completely wasted away, by sterility, submission and putting up with the authority (or rather stupidity) of others!

Your Ignorance folks. Your Ignorance. That’s the real Virus you have to be concerned about.

The Box

I am a drug which people are addicted to

I am legal

I provide false reality to people

I am the Government’s biggest propaganda tool

I am responsible for the decline in human intelligence

I am to blame for the destruction of the family

I am guilty for making people complacent

I constantly lull people to sleep

I manufacture your thoughts

I waste your money

I make your choices

I create your culture

I influence your values

I provide you with the illusion of safety and security

I curtail your freedom to be yourself

I restrict the truth from reaching your ears

I am a whore to the advertising world and you are my client

I play with your irrational fears

I am the source of your inadequacies

I am responsible for making you hate yourself

I own you

…and yet

You love me!

Tooth

Why is your wisdom tooth called a ‘wisdom’ tooth? Most people are still relatively dumb in the 20’s.

 

And strangely enough, old people; the people who are supposedly full of wisdom haven’t got a single tooth left.

 

 

Young people dislike braces because it makes them look unattractive

 

Old people wear dentures so that they will look attractive

 

 

A young person goes to the dentist to fill a tooth

 

An old person goes to the dentist to extract a tooth

 

 

A young man, feeling unimportant, has to undergo scaling – it sounds as if he needs to climb a mountain

 

An old man, feeling important, has to undergo crowning – it sounds as if he needs to be given a prize for climbing a mountain

 

 

A young woman attending a dentist usually gets asked about her wealth or job

 

An old woman attending a dentist usually gets asked about her health or pension plan

The Timeless Moment

People don’t understand Death. They fear it so much. In fact, our minds seem to be programmed to fear it.

Death takes on a whole new meaning if you’ve lead your life the way you wanted to lead it. When you’ve experienced love, joy and happiness – Death doesn’t seem like something we ought to fear. It seems like just another step of the process; an unforeseeable step.

Most people live under the illusion that there is an afterlife – a mirage created by the mind; a delusion that mitigates the fear of Death. People think that there is some heaven, some blissful existence or some new life. That is not true. When you die, you just disappear to yourself; death is eternal rest, an infinite dreamless sleep. You without life. You without You.

Cultivating this fact, Life now takes on a whole new meaning. We learn to live Life. To make everyday the best we can. To make everyone’s day the best we can. To feel privileged to be alive. To show others the beauty of being alive.

Death; merely a timeless moment in time – we know not when and we do not care. What is important is that, at this moment, here and now, we are Living it.